Jeyoani on Racism, Privilege and Woman-Hating as the Blue Book for All Oppressions
Jan 3rd, 2009 by admin
(Note: Jeyoani actually wrote this as a comment in another thread, but it’s really good and I thought it should be its own post. Thanks, Jeyoani! Heart)
It stings to be told – worse, truly realize – you’ve been privileged and are part of institutionalized racism and part of what is keeping it going.
Most good people don’t want to be part of keeping racism going. Most good people don’t even realize that they have ever done this at all.
But it takes a rare good person who will care enough to delve into understanding their own privilege and work to see it, identify it, change their own behavior. Most people never get to this point.
Ballastexistenz has an invaluable piece, “People can be a bit like water” at her blog – wow. I highly recommend it, it is so thoughtful, deep, and she writes it from the perspective of a white disabled woman. So her piece (because of her having done the work) really works those intersectional knots as well. She uses a unique metaphor — that people are like water, and will generally take up as much space as they are allowed. She goes on to explain how people taking up too much space at the expense of others’ space is what privilege is all about.
Here’s a story of my own for connection on the difficult, but positive and potentially transforming, powers of the sting people feel when they are confronted about racism, which I too have felt.
Once some years ago I was watching Oprah and she told a story of how she sat around a table and people were asked who they would choose as another guest that evening, any person, dead or alive. One person said Lincoln, another said Jesus, another said Moses. Oprah “joked” that she thought “well if we have JESUS here, what do we need Moses for?”
I chuckled, yet my friend made a face and said something to show she was aggravated. I cluelessly fumbled something along the lines of “Well….she just means…. ummm…I mean …you know… because, Jesus, I mean, Jesus is … well ….I don’t know but I don’t think she meant anything bad. I mean ….( steadily rising inner waters of panic ….)”.
At the time I barely had perceived it had anything to do with Jewishness, if at all, but I think somewhere I did. But why was I fumbling? What did I think? What did I mean? Why did I get nervous at my friend’s show of annoyance? I didn’t even know what I was saying or even what the problem was, but somewhere unformed and unexplainable, barely perceived but there– I did, but was headed for more clueless foot in mouth due to my defensiveness around myself and also Oprah.
She explained to me that that was rude to Jewish people (she was Jewish) as Moses for Jews would be more desirable to have then Jesus, at the dinner-table. So what was up with Oprah’s joke, and what was up with me laughing at it? It was Oprah’s tone I laughed at, but it really had to have been the joke itself, too, or else I wouldn’t have laughed as I wouldn’t have gotten the joke, which was essentially, “Jesus rules and Moses sux compared to him, and anyone who thinks otherwise is just high, haha.” Or, how about, Jewish?! My ignorance and privilege allowed me to laugh. It was rude to people of the Jewish faith and denigrated their religion by elevating Christianity. And so that sunk in, and I got it. And I felt angry (just because at least some anger usually comes with discomfort), sheepish, embarrassed, aggravated and depressed –that sting. I’m mixed race and I’m used to either (personally) being the one to get offended or standing up for another group, so this incident bruised ego, my idea of myself as someone with several handy clues! Haha! :/
In reality you have only your one lived experience, and no matter how vast or varied your connections might have been coming up, how many intersections you’ve experienced or physically represent — it is humanly impossible to hit every one. Being committed to deconstructing and examining privilege as constructed by patriarchy is what makes a person a rebel and makes a difference.
It’s not about being perfect all the time, and if you say something racist or clearly clueless, you don’t have to feel like the worst person ever. Everyone will say something wrongheaded, from a place of some privilege (whether it is privilege stemming from what you are or what you are not) , sometimes. But to learn from this is all that is needed– to be open enough to learn. And I say that all this is connected with patriarchy, because I truly believe it. Patriarchy “others” women and all races other than white. It makes “other” anything not white, heterosexual and male. This is the trine, the godhead, the perfect trinity, and to be other than this in any way is to be less.
In the context of patriarchy, to be racist is to feminize a people. Racism is a feminizing, a false feminizing of all oppressed groups. Whatever is made “wrong/annoying” about them is also the default of what is wrong about women. Woman-hating is the blue book to use in oppressing all other groups.
So patriarchy casts a people group as “biological/base/primitive” (like women). (Or when feeling a little more humble, patriarchy will conversely ascribe other “feminine” traits like being angelic and mystical, aka the magical Negro/Native/Hispanic/disabled/gay person or whatever).
Or, minority groups will be cast as lazy (like women). Or only good for hard work (like women). Or, they are enduring with high levels of pain tolerance (women). Or they have weak and of soft constitutions (women). Great example: Natives are weak (women) and Blacks are supposedly “tough/can handle any pain” – like women!
No matter what, all the classifications are lies and serve patriarchy in various ways. Genocide of Natives? Well, they were “weak” (woman-like), so it was better for them that they died. Conversely, enslavement of blacks? Well, they survived, like women, they are “tough” and can handle any amount of abuse. So since they can handle any abuse, they must, you know, be like animals — like women. Or, minority groups are cast as sexually deviant (like women). Or, they are said to be poor because they are lazy and stupid, (like women). If they are not poor, then they are money grubbing gold diggers or takers (women). Or they are spiritual/superstitious (women). Or they are sentimental and childish (women). Or they are cold, manipulative (women).
I could go on and on, but the point is this: What is used against basically all oppressed groups is the Blue Book of Misogyny, misogynist labels, stereotypes about women worked into perfection by clerics, medical establishment, science, philosophers, et al who have perfected this book into this great canon they throw at any oppressed group when necessary to maintain control, to prop themselves up as better. They feminize what they hate. However subconsciously, this is what they are doing.
Anyway it all goes together. Woman hate, hate of blacks, gays, disabled, Jews, Asians, Muslims, Hispanics, all Indigenous Peoples (Australia, Scandinavia, etc) …and of course, the poor, too. It’s hierarchy, divide and conquer, and then the divided and conquered madly divide and conquer each other into little tiny pieces, as is patriarchy’s plan.
Back to my Oprah incident, at the time, why did I have to be told this, I wondered. I thought I was “better” than that. I was so annoyed at Oprah, no. 1 (haha), for saying it in the first place and “making me” chuckle. Worst of all the comment and my chuckling offended my friend and caused her to feel, to a certain extent, any number of these feelings as a Jew: invisible, erased, hurt, mistrustful of what privileged, unaware stupidity is going to come out of someone’s mouth at her expense.
And I knew/know those estranged, alienated feelings, and so hated that I’d just caused some of them. I hated hurting a friend, and feeling estranged from a close friend due to saying something insensitive.
I was also embarrassed by my own ignorance and that of my surrounding culture. But it was all an illuminating and powerful moment because I realized, after 20 some odd years of being alive something I had not realized before: I had been raised as a child of the dominant class’s religion. That meant I had massive insensitivity and a privilege issue surrounding religion. I was, in this respect, a tool of the patriarchy–a tool of the dominant class, because I had privilege I wasn’t aware of. Anyone in the US raised Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, is in the “miscellaneous/other” religion(s) category. And in this hierarchical world “other” is code for “not as good/important”. And we all internalize this–both the privileged and unprivileged on various levels.
Additionally I wasn’t even a Christian anymore when I laughed at this joke.
But all people, both sexes, all orientations, colors, whatever, can and will try to get in good with white patriarchy when there’s an opening –-unknowingly, unthinkingly sometimes. Whites of all colors have the biggest opening, but this doesn’t erase the sexism white women have to deal with, even though they get to get in on the white train. All people will share a laugh with patriachy, case by case, as they can, whether by sharing the same religion (as opposed to non-Christians), or the same language (as opposed to new immigrants), or not being gay, or being rich (as opposed to most of those other annoying brown people). People will generally share in a joke at another group’s expense, because everyone wants to be in the valued group (patriarchy’s group) sometimes, to feel aligned with power and with what is valued and given voice, to have “friends in high places.”
Even if you don’t think you like being, on occasion, aligned with the dominant group, even if you try to say you don’t want their faux acceptance, it’s often not true. We all live in this world and this world is difficult even for the most privileged people walking it! So it is work to not take the best plates if they are offered, or even the crumbs if you can get away with it, from under that table, I don’t care who you are, woman, black, white, large, Asian, poor, Hispanic, Muslim, gay– WHATEVER.
Most groups in the U.S. will try to get in good with the patriarchy over the fact that they (simply) are at least not black. And all this is often semi-subconscious on everybody’s part.
Anyway, that day I understood in a clear way how much we don’t understand we have privilege. We don’t even see it — when we have it! We can’t acknowledge what we can’t even see. I learned this specifically from this incident, because I could see I had a religion privilege blind spot. Before that I wouldn’t have thought so. I hadn’t shown my ignorance either to myself or to anyone else. But it’s good, ultimately, that it happened because then I could learn that and deepen my awareness and change and find another way to not be a tool of the patriarchy.
It’s not set in stone –this being a tool of or a victim of patriarchy. If a person is faced with truth and sees it and accepts it, they are breaking away from the master’s house, as either a prior victim or a prior tool, (though the victims will remain victims due to institutionalized racism and sexism until the world’ s different.) But either way they are breaking away. When you change, when you see patriarchy in all its internalization inside you — well, you can exorcize it, break away. It has less hold, you are less a tool, bit by bit. I believe racism is a strong, insidious tool of the patriarchy.
People who are tools of the patriarchy will indulge in sexism, racism, homophobia, classism and stereotypes about them. Anyone can be a tool of the patriarchy by indulging in patriarchy’s propaganda about all “othered ” people — all non-whites and all non-males. And all the “othered” groups (especially women) contribute to their own oppression by being perfect students and dividing and conquering each other into oblivion as well. Patriarchy’s perfect plan! But I think woman-hate is the root, and this is why I believe racism and all the isms to be feminists’ issue. Not to mention, every oppressed group has more females in its numbers than it does males.
The following are good to read re race and all are by women (all women of color except Inge Muscio who is white):
Audre Lorde’s book of essays and speeches Sister/Outsider. All of it but if nothing else these essays:
“The Master’s Tools Will Never Dismantle the Master’s House” and “Uses of Anger: Women Responding to Racism”
Alice Walker, The Way Forward is With a Broken Heart and In Search of our Mothers’ Gardens.
Rebecca Walker, Black, White, and Jewish.
Inga Muscio’s Autobigraphy of a Blue-Eyed Devil: My Life and Times in an Imperialist Capitalist Nation Very good for white people interested in understanding their privilege and uninvesting in it
Online recommendations:
Rev. Dr. Renita J Weems’ blog. She is an inclusive Christian feminist for gay and lesbian rights, pro-choice, etc. and a very woman-loving woman. There are two articles on her blog on anger, race, and black women, specifically, and I think these are valuable re our subject.
Shannon/Egotistical Whining’s blog, especially her Incomplete Racism FAQ
A caveat– a commenter there confronts the author on what she perceives to a blindspot (and I agree) when it comes to white women and men of color. While I agree with the what I assume to be the commenter’s point, and that it should be answered, when people ignore an essay about race to talk about some point like this, it’s disrespectful. I see feminists do this too often. Engaging an article about someone’s learned experience of oppression in some kind of wholistic way, and in a way considerate of the experience the writer has as a woman of color is not only better but usually necessary if anything productive is to happen.
What Tami Said is another blog where deep and good discourse and thought on race happens from a feminist perspective regularly
Allecto’s blog, Gorgon Poisons, and Dis_senter’s blog on Livejournal offer deep and good insight and discourse on race.
In the context of patriarchy, to be racist is to feminize a people.
And for too long the answer to that has been the masculinization of that people’s men at the expense of that people’s women. This masculinization is always accompanied by the the further denigration and oppression of that people’s women along the axes of sex and race, i.e. race specific gender expectations and requirements. And very often this masculinization is accompanied by the denigration of white women as white women, i.e. along the axes of sex and race. These things are done, among other reasons, to keep women from organizing across color lines.
The idea of being privileged is immeasurably complicated when it comes to women. Because, as Jeyoani points out, at least one privilege is not having to know anything about “the other’s” life. But, for women, this looks less like a privilege over time and more like a patriarchal strategy to keep women apart. Because as this past election has shown, men seem to have no problem bonding across color lines so long as a woman’s body is involved. Rev. Wright and Fr. Pflegler, to name just one episode of male bonding over the body of a woman.
Everyone really should check out Ballastexistenz’s post that Jeyoani links to, it’s great. Here’s an excerpt:
Heart
When I think of daily life, I can’t ever really recall a random man of any race really trying to find out about my life. People are so ignorant that they really know next to nothing about more and more these days. The joke about Moses and Jesus, well, the reason it was funny was that Christianity is the default, and even most Christians don’t know that Moses was a central figure for Jewish men. To take it a step further, I wouldn’t want either one of those guys at my dinner, I’d want Kali or I’d want Catherine the Great or Margaret Mead or Audre Lord.
No matter how much information is out there on the oppression of people, patriarchy just trumps it all the time. The degrading comments Pflegler and Wright made about Hillary Clinton are par for the course. Pflegler is I think a Catholic priest, and would naturally be antagonistic toward a feminist like Clinton. He would hide behind his roman collar, and not one person in the congregation would get on him about women being excluded from the priesthood of the Catholic church, yet he’s all in favor of the civil rights of black men. It’s typical.
Will people change? No not really. I don’t expect men to change unless they face lawsuits where they could lose billions of dollars.
We live in a culture where uneducated dumbness just rules the land now. Even basic facts of U.S. history or herstory are unknown now, so I don’t hold out much hope for a nuanced knowledge of Judaism. Heck, I met some high school students who had never heard of Huckleberry Finn or Mark Twain. Scary.
I think it might even go beyond racism, people aren’t curious or interested in anything! Shocking as that may sound, it is really true, and scary.
I just read about a new book about Susan Sontag, and promptly ordered it. I don’t dare ask people I know if they have ever heard of this great lesbian intellectual who died four years ago. Don’t dare.
Do people know they are taking up privileged spaces in the world? If they’re men they don’t, if they’re white men they are clueless, if they are black men they sometimes do. Al Sharpton used the term “sexism” when he was outraged at Don Imus, but before that, I had never heard him use the word. Was it his awareness of womanhatred spewed out by Imus or what it a political tactic to hit Imus with two sins — racism AND sexism to get more media coverage?
Every movement for nationalism or self-determination has to do with men not women. Minority men try to get minority women on board for the great revolution that has nothing to do with the rights of women — Castro, Stalin, Thomas Jefferson….
Each group of male colonizers tries to feminize the men of the colonized culture. Men of course believe anything to do with women makes them inferior, and thus they have to protect their “manhood” whatever that means. “Be a man” “Man up” etc. would be weird if you reversed those sayings “Be a woman?” “Woman up?” — see what I mean.
Men are in constant fear of “losing” their manhood. It’s why men beat up gay men; they fear being treated as sex objects by gay men, but have no problems at all treating women as objects.
Racism and sexism collide all the time in the world. I have rarely if ever seen men with power NOT abusing it in some way.
If you want to know what racism is, then you have to be on the receiving end of it. If you want to know what sexism is, then a man needs to be thrown into a room with armed women aiming their guns right at his “manhood.” Bet that might enlighten them a bit on what it’s like for women to walk alone in a parking lot at night.
Our challenge is feminists is to try to move beyond all this, and to really be able to unite around issues as women. It won’t be easy. We don’t have to be fooled anymore by leftist men’s lies. We know leftist men and rightist men just want power, and could care less about women, unless it has to do with men’s ownership of those women.
Jeyoni can speak to racism because she’s had to deal with it. I can speak to it a little bit because I was on the receiving end of it for six years when I lived abroad as a racial minority. Men could learn about sexism I think if they were left in a country where women ruled and ran everything, where women were the entire police force, and had all the resources. But until that time comes, no man on earth can ever know what it is to live as a woman in patriarchy. Except perhaps if they transition to a woman as a MTF, and even then, it won’t be the same.
I just wanted to say that I read inga muscio’s book, ‘Autobiography…’, and it really changed my perspective, I was able to see just how racist I was. THEN, I went out and got one of the books that she cites, ‘Lies My Teacher Told Me’ (Loewen) and I left a lot of old thinking way behind. I learned how my very education had betrayed me, been mostly lies and fluff — it was painful but much needed to grow on. I look back on those books as laying a much needed foundation for my radical feminism to root upon. Thank you, Heart, for posting this on its own, and many thanks to Jeyoani for writing this piece.
Jeyoani, this is beautiful! I look forward to reading your future blog (or book)! Nobody wants to give up their privelage, and nobody wants to be told how good they have it. I appreciate being taught, even when it’s embarassing. And I have to remember that in terms of feminism, it’s not my job to teach men. My job is to take care of myself, bond with my Sisters and survive.
I find it an odd thing that people stop reading and thinking so relentlessly once they are out of school. I’d say schools are limited, but as a society we don’t really encourage people to get out there and know new things. It’s why men are so relentlessly sexist and why white people so relentlessly racist — both groups in very large majorities just don’t care to learn or grow. Men waste women’s time asking really dumb questions and then get resentful everytime you hold them accountable, for example. White people in all white groups have this clueless idea that ‘Hey, we should have more diversity in this group…” They look at me as the only out lesbian in say a straight women’s business organization, but I tell them plainly that they aren’t really ready for diversity, and that most lesbians would be very uncomfortable with the set up of the group, let alone women of color. It’s just a truth I tell… not to be mean or discouraging, but to be real. This is not what they want to hear, but we have to say these things. I would hope that the men who feel “Entitled” to post everywhere on feminist blogs will learn something from this one. No, men are not entitled to rule the blogs, comment on all things feminist or ever be allowed to be a part of the discussion. Women have to have the time to form their own ideas, just as men have formed their own ideas without women present for thousands of years.
I think individuals are changing, but this seems more like they were not exposed to the most blatant forms of racism or sexism as young people. Young people may appear to be less racist or sexist, but its only out of a change of atmophere or hertorical contexts, not out of real conviction many times.
Awesome article. I am order Audre Lorde’s book now!
Satsuma, I only disagree with one thing you said, and that is, that men could ever understand what it is to be a woman under patriarchy. Even if women were in charge of everything, I can’t even imagine us treating men as we’ve been treated. I don’t believe that women could ever come to see men as raw material to be defaced, as just objects to be used. Yes, I’m angry at a lot of men, and at the things they’ve done, but I just don’t believe that women as a group would ever take so much pleasure in cruelty for cruelty’s sake. So I don’t think men will ever know first-hand what our lives are like.
That’s a very thoughtful point you make about how privilege still operates even in groups that are supposedly “diverse.” The very idea of diversity embodies privilege to some extent, I think, because it seems to presume there’s a standard that we diverge from. The standard, of course, is maleness . . . or whiteness . . . or heterosexuality. In a truly equal world, there wouldn’t be this sense that the majority was being gracious and allowing “different” people to co-exist in their world. There would just be people, being people together, end of story.
I like your idea that diversity Anuna. I tend to look at power as power. Those who have it generally abuse it, because once in power, the person is cut off from reality. When a man controls jobs or the world, he simply stops being human in my opinion.
It’s hard to say if women would get revenge if they overthrew male supremacy. I know it’s very hard to think of men as human beings after all they’ve done to women. I tend to think of them an animals or less than women, and this is from what they DO in the world. Men don’t like this, they can’t own up to the worldwide mayhem they commit and the suffering they subject women to.
Gaza being another example of angry men in the streets once again. This violence is all about men.
Julia thank you! You know it’s funny. This race and privilege and the “ISMS” issue overall is so thick in every way. But yet sometimes, we talk about how awful, divisive, impossible-seeming and embarrassing it is (and it FRIKKIN *IS* sometimes…ok most times really) and yet…it can also be looked at in a different way.
I remembered that in reading your encouraging words just now! –and the fact you say this: “I appreciate being taught, even when it’s embarrassing.”– APPRECIATION!–that’s the key! Gratitude for learning, for sharing, on a deeper level it’s an appreciation for life itself, for experiences and opportunites to grow! *Chances*, endless chances…they are gifts. Gifts, little openings for learning depending how we take them!
Being *appreciative*. I find this such a key, beautiful, difficult concept to all this!
I was fuming last night, frustrated because I couldn’t figure out “facebook”. I was thinking of all the way facebook is stupid and pointless and yadda, and getting literally MAD, mainly because I couldn’t figure out it’s “weird” format.
BUT …then I started just laughing at myself — looking at myself, how MAD I can get at *any* frustration! Haha!
So then take something like ISMS and privilege! Whether feeling frustrated people are refusing to see their privilege, or, feeling frustrated that I have just said something to reveal my privileges or insensitivity!
Throw in feelings of privilege, shame, frustration, sorrow, isolation, pride, despair (all the feelings that go w/privilege AND deprivation)
– and LEARNING –which I should APPRECIATE– becomes all that much more of an emotional roller coaster …there can be so much frustration.
And yet when it has to do with really seeing and hearing on such a basic human level– the pay off is that much bigger. Literally mind-blowingly bigger of level, and I have felt that on both sides of the coin! Anyway ….
It’s like …out of this sorrow and estrangement …can come the most lucid, tangible and newfound points of connection between individuals! If you can ever GET to them. Sometimes on your own and sometimes with others. But always by putting yourself in another’s shoes, listening! Or seeing.
Ha. 
It’s hard because it requires GIVING something is the thing, I think. And people don’t always like to give. I mean, besides our/my own opinions.
I think we all have this great desire for unity, even the most hateful person probably. I’m not sure exactly what I’m putting my finger on but I think there’s a shame that is harbored within hatred, and/or even a shame inside simple emotional disconnect and estrangement from certain issues and peoples– perhaps when that hatred gets melted, it’s both painful and healing, and that’s what makes you so emotional about it all. I feel that’s a deep part of what all the tears were about (maybe especially from whites) when a black man won, in a country that had slavery and then apartheid for many centuries.
Anyway when I was 25 I finally learned to swim, and the lady who took it on herself to so kindly teach me (and had learned only a few years before, and she was like 50) at one point, mid my frustration said, “and someone told me, and I’m going to tell you, *have fun*, enjoy it! Enjoy every step of it. Don’t get upset, just keep trying and enjoy it”. And it really struck me, and ever since then when I’m frustrated this woman’s words come to mind —
! The isms/privilege issue.
and I feel it’s the big spirit that can take that approach to the ISMS and privilege issue!
….
Anyway …I hope all this is not too convoluted… ! I just erased much of this, as I was sort of going everywhere with it! — but overall I feel it is a very difficult but worthwhile, and necessary issue for rad fems
I think a key thing with privilege is that in pointing it out to people ideally, and in having it pointed out to ourselves, it isn’t to shame anyone per se, but it’s to get the ones with the privilege in question to SEE REALITY. See hierarchy. See, societal set-up, see how it affects women. See how it hurts women! And then be a true ally to those without your privilege whatever it may be .
But til all women are willing to check their own selves out, they will continue to NOT be an ally, but instead, too often be a hindrance and source of further pain to probably many sisters’ lives in many ways! Think of how many *women* are contained within these groups:
Poor = way more than half
Natives and all Indigenous Peoples =more than half
Hispanics= more than half
Lesbians= 100 percent
Arabs= more than half
Muslims= more than half
Blacks= more than half
Jews= more than half
Asians= more than half
Differently-Abled= more than half
…….ok so …think of that if you think privilege is something you can afford, as a feminist, not to examine. Unexamined privilege = Refusal to *see*/*hear*
the stories, perceptions, lives, and realities of literally billions of women, none of whom are only talking for their health. It is taking a big risk to not listen and not be thoughtful and open. I know I have felt that sickening twisting in the pit of my stomach if feeling defensive over blindspots/privileges I have– but that twisting can give way after you work it through. Not to say I don’t struggle and will not have many more stings as this onion gets peeled.
— Avril Joy I love that book “Lies My Teacher Told me ” too, and another good one is “People’s History of the United States”
Satsuma in no. 3 and no. 6 so many great points you make! —
You shared that story I believe in the “Favreau/Promise not Threat” thread. About the het woman who said the stupid stinging comment to the lesbians which included you at the party. And how because you were not alone, it took the sting out of that comment.
Alice Walker writes of teaching Rebecca Walker her childthe rule to live by, “Never be the only one (minority)”.
(Her caveat was, “except, maybe, in your own family. ” )
That was a rule she taught her daughter to live by. Although I can’t believe in any rule 100 percent (totally goes against my constitution) but …
In this world?– There’s something to be said for being self-preserving and self-interested. All this crazy racist, lesbiphobic, sexist, ET ALL-”ist”! smack people talk takes its toll.
I have learned that my longsuffering on this issue has cost me in ways I refuse to pay anymore, as it breaks my self esteem and this is what women (and certainly *most* men) don’t realize –what the effects of their refusal to look at privilege costs them in terms of sisterhood. Most men won’t care (and don’t remotely feel the effects!) but feminists, at least, should care. At least the rad fems.
“Men waste women’s time asking really dumb questions and then get resentful everytime you hold them accountable, for example. White people in all white groups have this clueless idea that ‘Hey, we should have more diversity in this group…” They look at me as the only out lesbian in say a straight women’s business organization, but I tell them plainly that they aren’t really ready for diversity, and that most lesbians would be very uncomfortable with the set up of the group, let alone women of color. It’s just a truth I tell… not to be mean or discouraging, but to be real.”
–So true.
“Never be the only one.” Alice Walker!! Thanks Jeyoni for that phrase of wisdom. I am so much better natured in the face of homophobic or borderline bad comments, if I am not the only lesbian in the room. It’s not always easy for me to NOT be the only one, because my job is so odd. There are very few women period in my line of work at our company. Anyway, that was a real light bulb going on Jeyoni. As obvious as “never be the only one” is, it hit me as a great new truth.
As for the things we learn, I know my life wouldn’t have been half as interesting if I hadn’t been thrown into worlds where I was the only one on many levels. Once the world opens up, you can find new ways to connect with people. I think what’s sad is people are so uninterested in the true stories of oppressed peoples. It a loss, and we can remedy that by telling all the stories wherever we can.
Jeyoani: I think we all have this great desire for unity, even the most hateful person probably. I’m not sure exactly what I’m putting my finger on but I think there’s a shame that is harbored within hatred, and/or even a shame inside simple emotional disconnect and estrangement from certain issues and peoples– perhaps when that hatred gets melted, it’s both painful and healing, and that’s what makes you so emotional about it all. I feel that’s a deep part of what all the tears were about (maybe especially from whites) when a black man won, in a country that had slavery and then apartheid for many centuries.
This is just beautiful, and so insightful and so right, I think. I think you’re right, that there really is a shame inside of estrangement and hatred (that people cover up in various ways, most of them destructive and further alienating, and that they aren’t aware of, they just feel the discomfort). And I think you have put your finger on what many white people experienced when Obama was elected, why they were so emotional and even cried, that it was as much (or more) about our collective shame as a nation as about Obama himself, which is both inspiring and frightening. Wow, what an amazing insight.
In addition to Lies My Teacher Told Me and People’s History of the United States, I would add Beyond the Mayflower — A History of Black America, by Lerone Bennett. In my opinion, this last book is SO amazing and is SO under-recognized. It is, I believe, of particular interest to feminists, too, because it traces black history and the relationships between European nations and African nations to the Middle Ages, possibly before and there are insights in that that are just stunning.
Of course, all of these books we’re talking about are de rigueuer on the bookshelves of crunchy unschoolers, and that’s just about all!